"Wake me up, when December ends"

Yesterday was a good day, until Robert left Manhattan. At that point things just sort of unraveled for me. Not in direct relation to the fact that he left, but that just happens to be how it timed out.

So Robert left at approximately 11pm. I went to Katie's room and we discussed school and finals and Shelby joined us and then finally Katie and I got down to business about this StuMo Conference in Tulsa, Oklahoma that I am interested in. [it is a Christian conference from January 2-5 that cost $169 to attend]

So we talked about carpooling and how I would get there once I registered online. Well I needed to register by midnight last night in order for this trip to be $30 cheaper. So I called my mom at 11:30pm asking her for a favor. It was a simple enough favor. I explained to her that I was going to go to this regardless, and I was willing to pay the $75 deposit but since this was just two weeks before my birthday I was curious if they would pay the rest for my birthday present. She declined and explained they would "compensate me for my birthday differently". Whatever that means. Now the reason this irks me is because they spend that much on my birthday present typically. Not necessarily something I am proud of, they just do it regardless of what I ask for. Now for Christmas all I asked for was a cookbook and some clothes. So overall, I am asking for a relatively cheap Christmas present (in comparison to past years) and this trip was all I wanted for my birthday. So I was curious as to why they would not pay a little more than half of this trip. Well upon that question my mother simply explained that if I wanted to go, I could pay for it.

Seems logical enough. What you do not understand, however, is everytime I mention my bible study or my walk with God my parents appear to grow uncomfortable. Thus, to me this appears like my parents do not support my faith. So they would not chip in for this trip because they do not agree with it. Now I can afford the trip, I paid for it myself, no big deal. I was simply thinking that maybe my parents could actually make my birthday present have some meaning and not just be some silly material possession that will lose all value to me in two months. So my parents lack of support for my religious beliefs has me very stressed right now.

I am also stressing out about this Shakespeare paper I should be writing. I only have 5 of the 8 pages written so far and it is due Friday. I am also worried about my Human Development final that is fast approaching. Those are simple enough things though I just need to remain focused. The problem is I cannot remain focused because my mind keeps drifting to the fact that my brother and boyfriend (Robbie and Robert: confusing, I know) are being deployed in August and September. So I am freaking out about their deployment and my relationship with Robert while he is gone.

These are all little things, nothing too stressful technically. But when things snowball like this I begin to get worked up and I just want to keep walking and never stop. I know I need to focus on schoolwork right now and push everything else aside. I have decided I do not care if my parents do not support me, other people do. As for my soldiers' deployment, I will handle it as the time gets closer. I just want time to freeze. That would make things so much better right now.

For those of you who read this, kudos.
You really didn't have to. I just needed to write it all down and clear my head. Not looking for a pity party, I am not upset that my parents aren't spoiling me with this trip, just stressed about the overall 'big picture'. So have a lovely day/night.

Fin.